Fiona
by HatsForCats
Summary: the story of Fiona Frauenfeld, written as journal entries from before, during and after Miss. Peregrine's loop. Fiona will tell her story and take us trough her life's adventures. deals with violence, death, romance and other concepts not for people under 10 years old. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

August 10, 1842 (real-world date) June 17, 1828 (loop date)

I've decided to write a journal about my days with Miss. Peregrine. I fear it will sound dreadful, but no one will ever see it but me. Hopefully. Anyway, I should probably start at the beginning.

On June 17, 1828, I was born in Ireland. I can't remember where exactly, but I know it was there. When I was six years old, I displayed the first signs of my peculiarity. My mother was in the garden, and I was playing with my friends.

"Fiona, lassie, come over here," my mother said, pulling me down so I sat beside her. "When you get old like me and have a family of your own, you'll need to know how to grow your own food. Do not be foolish like your mother. Plant the potatoes early so they can grow nice and big."

"Momma," I asked, "will we have food to eat this winter?"

"I'm not sure love, but there is always hope." I remember looking into her big green eyes and seeing desperation and, on top of that, regret. My mum was always too hard on herself. She always wanted to be the perfect mother and wife, and even though she was, she didn't think so. I think I get my extreme emotions from her. I wish I got to tell her how incredible she was.

Then I recall looking at the weak potatoes and willing them to grow.

Miraculously, they did.

From then on, I grew food for the village. The town was so grateful for my services, the never questioned how I did it. By 1840, a large famine came upon all of Ireland. The main crops, potatoes, were dying. Of course, I helped my village.

One day, a large truck came hurtling into the town. Four large men jumped out, demanding to know where I was. I remember by mum shoving me into a closet, but they still found me. They said I was being charged as a witch, and was to be burned at the stake to next morning.

I remember the screams of my mother.

She begged.

She pleaded.

"You can't do this to her!" she screamed.

"She's only 12! Just a babe!" she screamed.

"Not my baby," she whispered, crying.

The next thing I heard was gunshot, and then her screams stopped.

Two men carried me out of my house. I was crying, not for me, but for my mother. I still have the image of her body in my head. They didn't just shoot her once, for her body was mangled and tangled on the ground. I can see my father crying over her, over me, telling me to stay safe. I sobbed out a promise to him I wasn't sure if I could keep, then I was gone.

* * *

The men put me in a truck. A big, green, terrifying truck. I sobbed until I was out of tears. I couldn't help it. My mother was dead, my father was alone, and I was to be killed the next day. That's a lot to deal with at twelve.

When my tears subsided, I notice three other women in the truck. Two were huddled together crying, but the other was watching me. She was short, with grey hair and glasses. At one glance you might think she was ninety years old, but when you looked closely, she appeared to be young, but full of wisdom.

The mysterious woman walked over and sat beside me. She hugged me tight and stroked my hair. This reminded me of my mother, and I began crying all over again. "Don't cry child. Talk to Mother. Tell me your story," the lady said softly.

"The-they killed my m-m-mother," I sobbed.

"Why did they do that child?"

"She t-tried to pro-protect me. They shot her," I said calming down enough to talk.

"Why did they take you lassie?"

"I grow plants. I look at them and they grow," I explained.

"Love; there are lots of people out there like you. I am like you. Tonight, we escape. We will go to the others," she said.

"You can grow plants?" I asked incredulous.

"Something like that child. I'll explain more later. My name is Rosetta Heron, but call me Mother H. for now, you need to get some sleep."

* * *

I don't remember being put I the jail cell, but I do remember getting out. I heard keys rattle, a lock clicking, and then I was pulled to my feet. It was Mother H. She took me and we ran all night. I remember falling asleep and her carrying me. I remember her putting me down in a soft bed hour later.

"Wake up darling, it's time for me to explain," Mother H crooned in my ear. She explained everything. About peculiars, ymbrynes, (she was one) loops, and hallows. She said peculiars were exiled among Normals, and that I needed to stay in her loop to be safe. Her loop was June 17, 1828, my birthday. She said it was fate, I say it was luck.

Then she introduced me to the other peculiars in her loop. First was Conor, a tall red headed boy. He was able to turn water into anything he desired.

Second was Maeve. She had the biggest purple eyes you've ever seen, a beautiful contrast to her silver hair. She could produce rainbows and see more colours than any person that ever lived.

Third was Horace, (yes, _the_ Horace) a dapper young man who had prophetic dreams. He wore a suit and tie and always had his monocle with him.

Next was Emma. Emma was about my age, and she could produce fire from her hands. She welcomed me right away, but I had more people to meet before we could chat.

Along with many other peculiars, I met another ymbryne; although this one was in training with Mother H. Her name was Miss Alma Peregrine. She took me under her wing (no pun intended) and showed me the world of peculiars. She helped me catch up with the other kids, and became my second mother.


	2. Chapter 2

**chapter two, yeah! I'm so excited for this story, and hopefully my excitement will keep me writing. As you can tell, this story is about Fiona! I really wanted to know more about her, so I decided to write this. it is written as journal entries from her POV. This story contains possible triggers, so proceed with caution. If you need to, PM me to find out more about the content. If you have feed back for me, please review or PM! This is my first story, so if you have advice, let me know! Anyway, I digress. Please enjoy my story!**

August 12, 1842 (real world date) June 17, 1828 (loop date)

I'm surprised it took me such a short time to summarize my life up to now. Currently, I am living in Mother H's loop, and have been for quite a while. I really love life here. Everyone is so sweet, especially Miss. Peregrine. Like I said, she is really filling in as my mother, although no one could ever replace her. I hope she stays with me forever.

August 18, 1842 (real world) June 17, 1828 (loop)

I heard a knock at my door, and then a soft, loving voice rang out. "Fiona, its Miss. Peregrine. May I come in?"

"Yes mum, I'm just getting ready for the day," I responded.

"Good morning Fiona," Miss.P said, "Did you rest well last night?"

"Yes mum, although I did hear Horace wake up screaming again. Is everything okay?"

"No need to worry yourself. Horace just dreamt up some hallows again. Nothing to stress about."

"Where were they this time?" I asked. In each of Horace's dreams, the same hallow gets closer and closer to our loop. Hopefully, it hasn't gotten closer.

"The hallow was here in town, but outside the loop. I won't lie to you, it does concern me. Hallows never get this close to loops," said gently. "But do not fear. If anything happens, I will protect you with my life. Now, let's pick something for you to wear."

"What are we doing today, ma'am? Will we go to the town?"

"Yes love. You, Emma and Horace will be getting the groceries. Please do not cause any trouble. And if you see and wights, you come home right away."

"Yes, mum, of course," I said. "Now let's go eat some breakfast."

"Emma, slow down," I called after her. "Horace and I can't keep up with you running like that!"

"Come on slow pokes! Not even Mother H is that slow!" Emma called back.

"I'll have you know, Mother H is in _very_ good shape," Horace shouted at Emma. "And _I_ suffered from a debilitating nightmare last night. _You_ need to slow down."

"Don't be such a drama queen, Horace." Emma teased, "Get your cane moving. We have a long walk to town. At this rate, we'll arrive tomorrow!"

"Don't be daft." Horace yelled, "There is no tomorrow. We're in a-"

"Horace, she's joking," I said, "Let her have her fun, it's how she shows affection.

"Fine, but if we see I wight, I vote we sacrifice Emma."

" , Mother H, we're home!" Emma called, slamming the front door and running to the kitchen.

"Don't slam the door," Conor and Maeve called from the living room. A few seconds later, they ran past me in the hall, up the stairs. I heard a door slam upstairs, laughed about the hypocrisy, and headed to my room.

When I walked in, Maeve and Conor were on the empty bed beside mine. They stopped kissing for about two seconds when they heard me, and they continued as if I wasn't there. They have been a couple since before I got here, and often are in my room. I guess this is because they aren't supposed to kiss downstairs, and my door is closest to the stairs.

Anyway, I sat down on my bed, and started writing some poems. Most of them are sad, about my mother and father and I. Maybe I'll write some in my diary someday.

August 22, 1842 (real-world) June 17, 1828 (loop)

In my last few lessons with , I learned a lot about myself. We've been talking about the wights and hallows, and their actions. I've realized how selfish I am. I have been thinking about why the wights did what they did, and I realized I would have done the same.

They wanted power. They wanted people to fear and obey them.

I want that too. With infinite power, I would kill the men who did the same to my mother. I would make sure they suffered, and that their families saw them dead and dying. And I would enjoy it.

I want people to obey me. To listen and conform to my desires. I want to be respected and feared. I want to be above everyone who is above me.

And that's what scares me. I feel as if I'm turning into one of them. Like I could do those awful things to a person. The fact that I can even think of killing a man terrifies me. If I got the chance to, would I? If I saw the men who took me from my mother and father, could I end his life?

The fact that I don't know makes me question my entire existence.

September 1, 1842 (real-world) June 17, 1828 (loop)

I feel as if I haven't written in forever. I've been very under the weather lately, and have been very concerned about my mental health, as I have been not been sleeping well and have a loss of appetite. Miss.P and Mother H are very concerned, but they cannot know the terrible things I have been thinking.

I am a bad person.

I should be dead, not my mother.

I didn't do anything to deserve being alive.

Along with these bad thoughts, I have relived the day of my mother's death almost every night in my sleep. I hear he screams, louder each night. The men are monsters, trying to kill me. I wake up sweating, breathing harder and harder. I never get back to sleep. I am tired at my lessons, and have cancelled a few times. Miss.P is starting to notice something is wrong.

Honestly, I am petrified.


	3. Chapter 3

**hello everyone! I am so very very sorry for the lack of content lately! I was having issues with the computer I write on, but I'm back! Again SO SO SO SORRY! please enjoy this chapter!**

September 7, 1842 (real-world) June 17, 1828 (loop)

Thank goodness I found this book! It has been missing since I last wrote in it. I just pray nobody has read it. I couldn't bear to have anybody know me like this. Especially Mother H and Miss. Peregrine. Oh goodness, I hope one of them didn't find it! But I have it now, and will not lose it again.

Anyway, there is a new peculiar in our loop. Mother H picked him up in London while meeting a fellow ymbryne. His name is William. He is tall with a strong build and short dark hair. He's a couple years older than me, but has never lived in a loop before. His eyes are dark and icy blue, a pleasant contrast to his tanned skin.

But the thing that sticks out the most is his smile.

His grin is unnerving. He looks like he knows everything about you. Like he wouldn't hesitate to use it against you.

But then again, maybe I'm just paranoid.

Williams's peculiarity is that he can communicate with the dead. That would be nice. I hope we get along.

September 9, 1843 (real-world) June 17 1828 (loop)

You would not believe what I overheard today. I was cleaning up the dining room after supper, like I do every day. I walked past the sitting room where Mother H and Miss. P were smoking their pipes and I heard my name.

"Mother, it was an awful idea bringing him here," Miss. P said. "I can feel it. He will get her hopes up. Have you looked into those eyes? He is bad news. Why couldn't you just leave him? What will happen when William tells Fiona he could contact her mother?

"She will trust him. She will become venerable again. Do you want that for her? Mother, you always tell me do what is best for my charges, why don't you do the same? He is bad news, don't you feel it? If not for you, do it for Fiona. Get rid of him.

"I do not what that girl to see her mother. She just can't."

After I heard that, I left. I ran up to my room to cry. I had not cried like this since the night I lost my family. There are so many things going through my head right now. Why doesn't Miss. Peregrine want me to see my family? Why doesn't she think it's a good idea? William will not get my hopes up. He can contact her. I know it. Why can't she see this would be good for me?

Doesn't she love me?

Or was it all in my head?

September 11, 1843 (real-world) June 17, 1828 (loop)

Yesterday was a very strange day.

It started off the same as always. I got dressed and did my hair. I wrote a few poems, then went downstairs for breakfast. I passed a herd of children on the stairs, Conor and Maeve kissing, and Emma and Horace watching one of his dreams.

But then I got to the kitchen. Sitting in my seat was, you guessed it, William. I started to say something. Maybe 'get your tush out of my chair. It belongs to me!' But the words stuck in my trough. The look on Williams face had made me forget how to speak. He was smiling his evil grin. Terrifying. Treacherous. _Murderous_.

Just as I was about to call for her, Miss. Peregrine entered the dining room. "Good Moring Fiona, William. William, can you go round up the other kids for me?"

All traces of his evil were gone. He was acting like some kind of angel now that Miss.P was here. "Of course ma'am. I'll be back in a jiff."

"Fiona," Miss. P said softly. "I'd like to talk to you after breakfast. I'll meet you in the garden at quarter to nine."

I nodded and began to reply, but William and the children had just run into the kitchen. He looked at me with an obviously fake smile, and sat down in my chair, yet again.

"Right on time Fiona," Miss.P said as I arrived in the garden. "Come sit beside me dear, I need to talk to you." I sat where she indicated; feeling so uneasy I thought my breakfast might make reappearance.

"I was in your room about a fortnight ago, and I came across a book," _she_ was the one who had my diary?! "I believe it was your diary. As an ymbryne, I am required to take the best care possible of my charges, so I was inclined to read it.

"Do not worry too much. All I read were the last few entries. If I recall, they were the ones from the 22nd of August and the first of this month. I will not lie to you, I am concerned. I have noticed you were eating and sleeping less, but I didn't know it was this bad.

"Fiona, you are not a bad person. You do deserve to be alive. You have gone through so much at such a young age, of course it has affected you. I can't believe I didn't see it before. I should have been watching more carefully.

"I think you are experiencing huge amounts of stress because of the trauma you have experienced. I think we need to get you some help. You and I are going to go see a therapist in town this week. I will not tell the other children, nor will I tell Mother H.

"Fiona, you need to understand that I am doing this because I care about you. I want you to be happy. You are needed. You are loved. Please talk to me. You can trust me."

I couldn't speak. My brain couldn't comprehend what I had just heard. It was Miss. Peregrine who had my diary? How could she do that to me? And a therapist? A _Normal_ therapist? Can I tell a Normal about my life? Can I tell anyone?

If she wants me to be happy, why doesn't she want me to see my mother?

"Fiona," she said, "are you okay with all of this?" I nodded, speechless. Does she really think this is a good idea? I barely had time to process all of this before William came wandering into the garden.

"Oh, hello Fiona, Miss. Peregrine. I do hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"Not at all William," Miss.P said. "Fiona and I were just finishing up here. Do you need me?"

"Yes ma'am. I was wondering if you have a room farther from the other children's that I could use. I do not want to keep them up when I am talking with my other-worldly friends."

"You're in luck," Miss.P responded. "Fiona's room is quite secluded from the rest of the house, and there are a few rooms available near hers." She turned towards me and continued, "Fiona, you can show William to the room across the hall from yours. Please wash up for lunch right afterwards." And off she went leaving me alone with William.

"So, this room," he crooned. "Its near yours, right? I do hope so. Maybe we could spend some 'bonding' time together? How does that sound?" I could feel my face getting red. Why is he trying to win me over? Nevertheless, I pushed ahead. I started walking towards the house, and he was hot on my trail.

 **to be continued! just to clarify, yes, Fiona has PTSD. it wasn't recognized as an illness until 1980, so it wont be called PTSD, but that's what it is! i hope you're liking the story!**

 **also, thanks WillowTree1221 and one guest for your reviews! your the best!**


	4. Chapter 4

**hello everyone! I hope you liked the last chapter, and that you like this one too! enjoy!**

September 11, 1843 (real-world) June 17, 1828 (loop) CONTINUED

"Is that a yes? Will we be spending time together? You know, you're very pretty. Gorgeous even. And your _legs._ Spectacular." Good Lord, is he sane? What is he trying to do? I've never been flattered like this before. I won't lie; it's kind of nice, but also very embarrassing. William continued to hit on me as we made our way to the house.

After 10 minutes of flattery and bashfulness, we arrived in the hallway that contains my room, on the opposite end of the house from all of the other's. I debated whether or not to give him the room beside mine, and decided to take the chance. It may be interesting to share a wall with someone who talks to ghosts.

"Here we are," I told him. "The bathroom is just across the hall. I have it reserved from seven to eight in the morning, but it is available any time after that. If you need anything, just knock on my door. I will see you in 15 minutes for lunch."

"Good to know, beautiful. I'll try not to disturb you. If I do, just come over to my room and we can do something quieter," William said, winking.

"Um, sure," I said blushing. I then retreated to my room. The rest of the day came and went with no complications, other than William making random comments about my appearance. What is his problem? Does he flirt like this with every girl? Or is it just me? And _why_ me? Could I really be as beautiful as he says? Why does he keep insinuating that he wants me in his room? We are not married, so that is out of the question.

And then there is the matter of therapy with Miss. Peregrine. Is it really that bad? I guess I have gone through a lot at such a young age, but so have many other children. Does Horace go to therapy? Emma? It's possible. They have been through so much, probably more than me. But will therapy even work? I don't think anything can get rid of these awful thoughts. They have consumed me, and I don't think I can escape them.

September 12, 1843 (real-world) June 17, 1828 (loop)

Horace had a terrible dream last night. The hallow that has been getting closer and closer to the house had a Wight with him. And the Wight got in the loop. Miss. Peregrine would not tell me any more than that, but I can tell she's nervous. I think my stress has added to hers. I feel terrible about that.

This morning, there was a knock at my door while I was getting ready in the bathroom. I opened it just a crack, and say William standing there. Against my better judgement, I opened the door further to reveal myself standing clad in nothing but a housecoat in preparation for a shower.

William whistled through his teeth and flashed me a smile that sent shivers down my spine. This wasn't his usual evil smile, but a new one altogether. This one was hungry. Ravenous. Had the sight of my near-naked body done this to him? It couldn't have. Could it?

"Wow. Just when I thought you couldn't look any better, you surprised me," he mumbuled, looking me over. His eyes travelled up and down, stopping not on my face, but other places. Eventually he met my gaze. "You look amazing," he continued. "exquisite." I felt my face blush as he walked closer to me. He ran his hands down my arms, pulling me closer as he did so.

When we were just inches away from each other he looked down. First down into my robe, which was undoubtedly open, then to my face. "God, you're beautiful," he whispered. "get in that shower and clean that body for me. I'll see you at breakfast, and maybe afterwards." He kissed my cheek, then left me alone.

What just happened? The look in his eye was so intense. Like I said, hungry, _starving_. Like he wanted to devourer me. Me, or my body? And then he kissed me.

Even just on my cheek, it felt amazing. Like I was wanted. _Needed._ That little kiss must have pushed me over the edge, because all of the fear I felt when looking at that evil grin was gone. All I saw was him. Someone who wanted me.

Miss. Peregrine was wrong. He isn't bad for me. In fact, I think he is the opposite.

September 14, 1843 (real-world) June 17, 1828 (loop)

I went to the therapist today.

It was horrible.

I went down stairs this morning, ate breakfast and then met Miss. Peregrine in the garden. "Are you ready dear," she asked.

"Yes mum," I responded. Then I posed a question of my own. "What can I expect today?"

"Well, he will ask you lots of questions," Miss.P said. "I will not be in the room, so you need to answer for yourself. He will ask you "how" and "why" quite a bit. You must remember, this man is not educated. He just has exceptional judgment and will help you understand how you're feeling."

We were silent for the rest of the walk. When we arrived at the house of this man, she wished me luck and gave me a hug. I replied half-heartedly, dreading the experience ahead.

I walked into a small sitting room and sat down and a small wooden chair. Moments later a short, fat man walked in. His face resembled that of a small rodent, and he had shocking white hair. "Hello Ms. Frauenfeld," he said. "My name is Robert Smith. I am just here to make you feel better. I will be asking you many questions, and it would be beneficial if you answered truthfully."

He sat down on a large wooden chair across from me, clearly one that was made for a man of his size. Anyway, here is the summary of our conversation:

Q: how are you?  
A: okay.  
Q: can you elaborate on that answer?  
A: I guess I'm stressed.  
Q: do you know why that is?  
A: I'm not getting enough sleep.  
Q: why is that?  
A: because I have terrible nightmares.  
Q: what happens in these nightmares?  
A: I relive that night I lost my family.  
Q: can you tell me about that?  
A: no.

And then I left. When Miss. Peregrine asked me how it went, I told her it was fine, not to worry about it. When Emma asked where I was, I told her I was gardening. When Mother H told me I looked sick, I told her I wasn't. But when William asked the very same questions, I gave different answers.

I told him everything. My whole life, up to the conversation at hand. I didn't cry once. Not even when he pulled me into a long hug and told me it would be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**hello everyone! im so sorry for the wait and such a short chapter, but I am really trying to post more. enjoy this chapter and thanks for reading!**

* * *

September 21 1843 (real-world) June 17 1828 (loop)

While I was getting ready this morning, there was a knock at my door.

It was William.

"Hello beautiful," he said. "How are you this morning?"

"Okay," I answered. "Though I did have a fitful sleep."

"Aww, come over and tell me all about it," he patted the bed beside him, and motioned for me to sit down. I was slightly opposed, as I was still in my robe from my shower. But I went over anyway.

"Well," I began. "It all started with my mother. We were in the garden, as usual. This time it wasn't men who took her, but an army of Wights and hallows. It was-" I was cut off. William had put his hand on my back and was rubbing it softly. This was the most contact I'd ever made with another person, especially a boy.

"Oh, baby, that's terrible," he whispered. He had the hungry look in his eye, and I'm sure it reflected back at him through mine. I couldn't take it anymore. That "baby" put me over the edge. I moved closer to him.

"You know," I crooned. "It wouldn't have been so bad if I had a big strong boy in here to protect me." I moved my hand to his chest, and my eyes to his. "I wonder if we have any of those around here."

"Oh god," he practically hissed. "You drive me crazy baby. Crazy." He leaned closer and closer to my face, and I can't lie. I loved it. Then a thought popped into my head. Mrs. Peregrine's voice from a few weeks prior: "it was an awful idea bringing him here, he will make her venerable." The thought of Miss. P pulled me back from the edge.

"William, stop. I can't do this," I said, pulling away from him. He moved towards me yet again. I stood up and he did too, only leaving a foot of space between us.

"Why not, baby? A beautiful girl like you should have everything," he said. Suddenly, I agreed. Why should I be feeling sorry for myself? I deserved this.

"Okay, William, but only if you promise not to tell," I said softly. I leaned in and kissed him. I started soft, but he came in ragged and full of desire. I was overwhelmed with passion and returned his kiss. After a more than a few moments, we broke apart. "Wow," I whispered.

"I'm yours whenever you want me," William said. "All yours."


End file.
